We’ve all heard it, “You never miss your water, until the well runs dry”. And if you’ve ever had something great and that great thing went away, then you certainly know that old adage rings true. So it shouldn’t be a surprise, if your spouse wants to reconcile your marriage up until and even after the divorce has been final. I’ve had several people approach me about it and ask me my take on the reconciliation, hence the reason for this post.
I’d first like to go on record as saying that although I am divorced, I am a huge advocate for the institution of marriage and the importance of a strong family unit. I know that under the right circumstances, it is certainly a great relationship to have. However, I don’t think it’s something to enter into lightly, because it has and always will require a great deal of work to keep it functioning properly. But it shouldn’t be a surprise when I say if reconciliation is offered in sincerity, I believe it should be considered…..OK, before you get upset. I want to say that if abuse, especially physical abuse, is ever a factor, I would frown upon it unless for certain they had gotten professional treatment and was showing favorable behavioral changes. I believe that safety should always be considered first.
But for those cases where abuse wasn’t a factor in the divorce, I whole-heartedly believe that if the two of you are both dedicated to making it work, by all means proceed. Let’s face it, sometimes we actually need that break to wise up and truly re-evaluate what we have and work on overcoming the weaknesses we had, which may have caused the rift in the marriage in the first place. Now, I’ve never been a big proponent of couples living in separate residences when they’re considering a divorce (You’ll have to follow this blog, as I’ll be posting about this on another day). But I’m certain and have witnessed God take people whom I was sure were not meant to be married, re-unite them and it was better than it ever was before.
The one thing I will say is never allow anyone to discourage you from fighting for what you value? Anything you love and care about is more than definitely worth fighting for. The appreciation you have after you win the fight will be so much greater. It’s amazing how we’ll go to the depths to get those material things (the house, the car, the clothes, the career) most of which depreciates over time. And when we fight to keep those things, we don’t feel anyway remorseful about it. So why should one feel that way about a person, a living being, who’s value often can’t be quantified?
Lastly, I know some people will say that once this person has done something, they can’t ever be reformed. I don’t believe that at all. Only because I know of my past transgressions and I’d certainly hate for anyone to refer to me from it. I have been made new through Christ and certainly work hard to renew my thoughts daily (Galatians 3:27, Ephesians 4:23). And because I know of my evolution, I don’t have a right to believe that others can’t be renewed too. I try not to interject myself into my friends relationships. Mostly because we all have different levels of tolerance to pain. And what bothers one, may not bother another. So, if a friend of mine had dated a guy that I thought was a jerk in 2000 and they re-unite in 2011, I may think about his tendencies in my mind. And if she asked me about it, I may briefly mention it. But I wouldn’t talk against her getting back involved with that person. Because time truly does have a way of maturing most people. So I’m more than willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Make no mistake, there’s nothing embarrassing about changing, which is really what reconciliation is all about. But most importantly, I encourage you to reconcile to God, once again and it will definitely provide you with the strength to make the relationship everlasting.
God bless you all.