Ok, so now you’ve become comfortable with crying and you’re wondering what’s next. Well as for me, after all of the crying I did, it was only what I consider natural, to cry out to God for help. There’s nothing wrong with calling on God for help. Let’s face it…he’s the only one that has the power to fix Whatever….I say…Whatever is broken. And he wants us to lean on him in the worst of times. So that’s what I did. I cried to him day and night to fix it! Wave the magic wand and make the pain go away and renew our union.
To be honest, I would go to work, but I could barely function. On my lunch breaks, I’d plan out in my head how I wanted God to complete my fairy tale to make my marriage happily ever after. So, I’d wait and guess how he’d do it. And in the days to follow all of my prayers, I’d become frustrated when my husband didn’t call me and say he’d made a mistake and wanted to come back. So, I became angry with God, because after all Matthew 7:7, said “Ask & It Shall Be Given”, so that’s exactly what I did! I asked and I asked and I asked. Ok Lord, I asked, “Now give him back to me! ”
Unfortunately I was ,in a sense, bending the scripture to fit my needs. Because what I didn’t realize was that there was more to that scripture than just that particular phrase I picked out. The scripture included not just asking and it shall be given, but seeking and you shall find; knocking and the door shall be opened. So I started to look for the solution to my problem. At the time, I thought the problem that needed fixing was my marriage. But what I found by really digging into the bible for the answers was that, my marriage didn’t need fixing as much as I did. I was broken in everyway possible. My light had dimmed and was as close to dark as possible. The smiles had faded and I had completely lost my way. I was no longer complete and it was going to take more than a marriage to make me whole again.
So everyday, I’d take the time to study my bible. Initially aggravated, I would only dedicate about 20 minutes to searching. But after a few weeks, I found myself yearning and yearning to know more. But it wasn’t until I ran across a wonderful book by the name of Hebrew that I was beginning to see some light. It told numerous stories of faith and how people like Noah and Sarah, along with many others were told to believe certain things that seemed nearly impossible and yet still came to fruition. But by faith, Noah trusted God enough to follow his instructions perfectly to prepare him for the flood. I started thinking about what I had asked God to do, and in all honesty I knew that I lacked faith when I prayed. Matthew 11:24 says Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.In my heart, I truly didn’t believe that God was going to fix my marriage at the time. I was just really going through the motions of doing what I thought would give me the outcome that I wanted. But despite my lack of faith, God was still truly changing me for the better. I had always thought that my relationship with God was strong. I didn’t realize that although I was losing my marriage, I was gaining a great relationship with God and it would take me a lot farther in life.
The more I studied, the stronger my bond. And although I’d still cry and ask for his help, my tears were becoming fewer and fewer. And my 20 minute bible studies, were growing to include an hour long ladies weekly bible study, along with my nightly hour long study alone. My faith was growing and my 25 watt bulb had been upgraded to a florescent one. As time marched on, I began not just asking him for help with my marriage, but helping to continue to strengthen me to handle whatever came my way. And even greater, I began thanking him for the days that I didn’ t feel the need to cry. I started thanking him for blessing me with the ability to go on. I was on my way to being whole again. And with or without my husband, I was finally believing that God would carry me through whatever trials I faced.
So, I know it may be difficult. And you may be struggling and feel too weary to seek him out. Maybe you’re like I was and you’re angry with him. Believe me, he understands. But if you just start with as little as 15 minutes a day to get to know him. He will give you all of the answers you need. I promise, it will be the greatest benefit to starting your life anew!
God bless you!