As I spoke my vows, I remember thinking how beautiful it was to find someone I’d be with until death. Never did I think that I’d experience that repulsive 7- letter word, known as “Divorce!” Initially, it hit me like a ton of bricks. But I’m relieved to know that I’ve made it through and I’m stronger than I was before.
Recently, I’ve been approached by many women, through all walks of life, in the US and abroad, asking me how I overcame. It’s a blessing to know that my struggles could have a positive impact on someone else’s life which is why I’ve created this blog. I’m not claiming to be an expert by any means on the ways of coping with divorce. But I’m choosing to share my experiences to ensure others that you will be fine, if you find yourself in a similar path.
Although, I’ve gotten over it. It’s an experience, like all others, that has and will continue to mold me. My mission is to keep moving forward positively. Fortunately, I can appreciate it now. Though, while in the storm, it seemed that I would never overcome it. However, it’s because of it, that my faith is much greater than it ever was before. So, everything happens for a reason…All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28.
If you find yourself faced with divorce, you’re going to be filled with a ton of emotions. If you were like me, you may have gone numb for a while, felt an out of body experience, or believed that you were dreaming. To those who’ve never experienced this and may be just reading this out of curiousity, this is not an exaggeration. They’re all normal emotions to experience. It’s also normal to be angry, feel betrayed, and I could go on, but hopefully you understand. But one of the greatest emotions that I tried to avoid and at the time made me feel the most vulnerable was crying.
Initially, I tried to put up a wall that said to the world “Everything is fine!”. But to be honest, I felt like I was wearing a scarlet letter, though my A was a D and everyone was laughing at the thought that I couldn’t make my marriage work. To outsiders, I was the one who seemed to have it all. So, the image that most had of me would be tarnished and they’d never see me in that light again. Does any of this sound familiar??? Adding to my emotional distress was the plague of small town speculation about who and what led to the separation to begin with. So, I’d walk with my head held high, wearing my smile proudly, refusing to let people see the pain that I was in.
But what I found was that the more I tried to be strong, the harder it became to hold back the tears. So initially it was in my bathroom, while watching the water fill up in the tub that the tears started to flow….and flow…and flow….and flow! I think I cried for about 45 minutes straight. But it was an instant relief. I’ve heard that crying is great for the soul and I have to say that I totally believe that. After finishing my bath, I remember going to bed and crying even more and I’m positive I cried myself to sleep. But the next morning, despite the look of swollen and puffy eyes. I did feel much better. Who knew that the pouring out of salt water would take away so much stress?
Some of my closest family and friends tried their hardest to make me feel better, by telling me to keep my head up and save my tears. But the truth is that divorce is similar to death. The union you set out to strenghthen and enhance with your spouse dies when divorce takes place. And just like you’d react to the death of a person, you’re entitled to mourn your marriage. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about if you happen to cry over the marriage. And, don’t let anyone tell you differently. Despite what people may tell you, crying doesn’t make you a weaker person. It means that you’re strong enough to acknowledge your love for your mate and you have no reason to apologize for it. There’s nothing wrong with mourning over someone you deeply loved. But realize that while it’s fine to cry, just like dealing with the physical death in life, there will be a time for you to move on. So try not to let the emotion consume you.
You’re going to be fine. Realize that you’re on your way to healing. Hold on and know that you’re on your way to a greater life ahead….A new life!