The Identity Thief

12 Feb

On my wedding day, I remember being so proud of finally being able to take my husband’s last name. Occasionally my maiden name would creep back into my mind, when prompted for my signature. But just as I became accustomed to writing a new year, I became used to writing my new last name and even more proud to say it. So it’s only normal that you may have some difficulty detaching from it when you are faced with divorce.

I mean, honestly, how was I to return to being single after all these years? What role was I to play now? How was I to give up the title of wife, one that I absolutely loved and honored? These may all be questions that you may find yourself asking. I remember after the papers had been filed, thinking about all the social networks that I had created, classifying myself as married. How was I going to actually be honest with myself and change it to what the truth was? A close friend of mine who knew what I was going through, made a what- she- thought- was- not- so- harmless joke about my status. I didn’t let her know that it bothered me. But inside I was crushed. Because I really didn’t want her to know that I was having a hard time with changing my identity.

However one morning on my way to work, I stopped by the local Wal-Mart. I had done all I could to mask the pain, but the truth always shines through. I was getting some thicker socks, because I was going to be wearing wet boots for a project I was working on (another day, another story). A gentleman walked up behind me and he said “You’re an amazing and beautiful woman and whatever you’re going through, you are still loved!” I stood still and I honestly think I had an out-of-body experience for a minute. I saw his face, but no words could come out! I turned away from him to process what he’d said to me. Then after about 15 seconds, I turned around to tell him about how much those words meant, and he wasn’t anywhere to be found. I went up and down aisles to see if I could find him, but there wasn’t a trace of him left.

After paying for my socks, I got into my car and reflected on the words once more that the gentleman had said to me. Tears flowed like water over the banks of the Mississippi River. It was so, so clear. The identity that matters the most is the one that God gives you and that is the title, His child. I’m a Christian and that is only title that truly matters to me. The core of who I am is still the same.  Whether single or married, I am a lover of God. Whether single or married, I continuously strive to be a better person, a giver, a warrior and I will be pressing on.  And you have to know that too!Whether your spouse has love for you or not, you have to be grounded in God. His love is unchanging.  I changed my statuses that day. Many of my friends sent messages of concern. And I appreciated it. But I knew that I was taken care of, because God’s love is most important.

So if you find yourself feeling out-of-place because you feel your title of wife or husband has been robbed, remember that “You are beautiful and God still loves you!”


Posted by on February 12, 2010 in Separation & Divorce


Tags: , , , , , ,

2 responses to “The Identity Thief

  1. Sheila Rankins

    February 13, 2010 at 4:10 am

    Hello Tanisha, I just have to tell you when I went through my divorce I WAS SO HAPPY TO GET IT I CARRIED MY DIVORCE PAPERS IN MY PURSE FOR A YEAR !! But it’s all because he had put me through so much, it was a big relief to finally have peace inmy home.

    • trankins78

      February 13, 2010 at 3:41 pm

      I agree it can be a burden lifted when it’s finalized, if you’ve done all you can do to try to make it work and there’s no cooperation from the other party. And there’s nothing more greater than inner peace. Congratulations on your new start!


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