As I explained in my previous blogs, I had suffered tremendous stress from my dad’s death, a grieving mother, and the death of my marriage. Despite all the cries, prayers, and singing of power songs, the spiral of my failing marriage still managed to get the best of me…or so it seemed. As time went by, I thought I was getting over it. But subconsciously, it was still there. I grew weary and sluggish most of the time. I’d go to work, but not be all there. My short term memory was impacted and I’d forget small things. No doubt about it, I was obsessed with the whereabouts of my husband. You see, I figured that if he wasn’t with me, there had to have been someone else. Let me save you some grief if any of this sounds familiar to you: STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHERE THEY ARE! I know you’re thinking it’s easier said than done. But the truth is, whatever is done in the dark will definitely come to light and stressing over there whereabouts won’t reveal it any sooner. Trust me…worrying about it only causes YOU harm, not your spouse.
My warning almost came too late. It was March 2008 and I had been suffering pretty chronic headaches for about 3 months. I’d pop an Advil or Aleve and keep moving. But one day while visiting my mom, my headache wouldn’t go away. I started to get dizzy and my vision was blurred. My mom booked me an appointment at a family doctor. When they took my vitals, the nurse seemed to be a bit startled. So she tried taking it again. But the numbers still registered the same, 201/130. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking! And you’re right! The doctor gave me pretty high dose meds to take and warned me that I had entered into stage two hypertension. I didn’t really want to be dependent on medicines. But he felt because of the advancement of my condition, I needed to take it to regulate it right away. He also suggested that I do at least 30 minutes of cardio for at least 3 days a week as a means to possibly wein myself from the medicines. I took the meds and went home. I changed my diet, exercised 5 days a week on the elliptical machine for 30 minutes, and took my meds. For the first few weeks, things were great! I even managed to lose around 15lbs, much of course was fluids. But all of a sudden my headaches returned and I found myself going back to the doctor’s office with my blood pressure back up to 199/129. This is when reality sat in for me. My doctor told me that I needed to find a way to deal with the stress or that I wouldn’t be around much longer. He told me that I was threatening a stroke. He had given me the highest dose meds possible. I was eating better and exercising. And despite all of those things, I was still allowing the stress to rule me!
I thought about what he said on the way home and I realized that I really needed to let it go for ME! The fact is…what consumes you owns you! Don’t let the potential or already ex-spouse become your ruler. If you choose to stop living because you’re so focused on them, they essentially win. They have the power. And trust me, they will use it. You have to realize that while you’re stressing over them, they are typically not stressing over you at that very moment. You’re beautiful and amazing, so you shouldn’t be so quick to give up your power to someone who’s clearly proven unworthy! I say that in the most loving way possible. Life will go on and I want you to be here to live it too!