Recently, several people have been reaching out to me about their troubled relationship problems. I assume it’s because they appreciate my empathy, and feel extremely comfortable with me. For that, I’m deeply honored to be able to provide a positive support system to so many who feel that they are in despair. But as I have stated in my previous posts, “I am in no way an expert!”
However, as a result of my divorce, I’ve learned to become a better listener and extremely observant. So after listening to all of the ladies and men tell me how frustrated they are with their ex’s and soon-to-be ex’s, I noticed the one thing they all had in common. They all had an abundance of time available that they could use more productively.
The old adage, “An idle mind is a devil’s playground” still holds true. If you don’t have enough things to productively occupy your time, you have too, too much time to focus on the people who make it all so easy to work on your nerves. I attribute staying positively busy to being the greatest medicine to aid my grief. I filled my time with consistent bible studies and playing taxi to those who didn’t have cars to run errands. But most importantly, I filled my time setting goals and trying to implement the plans I laid out for myself.
So for those who are feeling angry and focused on the other persons’ weaknesses, remember that happiness is a choice. You have to decide to be happy! Only you can make that decision. Here are a few questions you should ask yourself.
1. What am I blessed with today? Be specific. In addition to your life, strive to find at least one new thing that you consider a blessing everyday. Create a journal entry about it.
2. Why am I allowing someone to steal my joy? People can only hurt them if you allow them to. So choose to be happy even when things are tough.
3. What can I do today that will put a smile on my face? (Be nice! Those nasty things that you’re thinking may put a smile on your face today, but leave you with serious consequences later.) For me, painting my toe nails a different color put a smile on my face. It doesn’t always have to be big.
4. Lastly, if my marriage ends in divorce, what are somethings I can do to make my life as a single person manageable? This is quite thought provoking. You should consider the best case scenario and the worst case scenario. Example: Upon entering separation, I was in between jobs. So I had to focus on gaining employment that would allow me to be able to handle my finances on my own. So, I set a goal of a specific number of jobs to apply for daily. After applying for them, I set myself on a schedule to contact those that I applied for consistently. Additionally, I formed a weekly ladies bible study group. I also wanted to lose 10lbs, so I devised a plan to lose the weight to make me healthier.
It’s natural to want to focus on the other person. But in time, your lessons from all of the pain will be revealed. You should use every experience in your life, as a learning one. So go ahead! Get busy working toward your goals! Go head! Get Busy! (Fist pumping and bobbing my head for you!) And watch things unfold in a less stressful way!
God bless you,