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Why So Many Men Never See Divorce Coming

08 Feb

I read this blog written by Judge Lynn Toler…you know, she’s the judge from Divorce Court! It was a shocker to me, because I originally thought that more men filed for divorce than women. But apparently there is a group of men, whose wives file for divorce and apparently they feel blindside. I’m reposting part of the blog she wrote for the Huffington Post here. I’d love to know what you think about it… 

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Lynn Toler

Divorce Court Host and Author of My Mother’s Rules

Posted: February 2, 2011 10:53 AM

I first heard it from attorneys who typically represent men in a divorce. I then began to see it in the cases that came before me. I remember the attorney who first mentioned it to me some ten years ago, he leaned back in his chair at a conference on divorce and said, “It never ceases to amaze me how many men come to me with their jaws on the floor saying they never saw it coming.”

Now, I am witnessing it in my own social circles. All around me long-term marriages are coming to an end. And as the studies show many of those jumping ship are women.

Not only am I seeing a rash of fleeing women all around me, I also see what I first ascertained years ago: That a fairly significant number of men–especially in longer term marriages–never saw their divorces coming. There was, they say, no warning, no build up, no escalating tensions, just an unexpected, non-negotiable and seemingly unprovoked decision to leave.

Of course, this is not the norm. Most marriages careen into a ditch after traversing a noticeably bumpy road. Likewise, there are women who are surprised when their husbands decide to leave, but what I am talking about here is that not-so-small group of guys who are caught flat footed by their wives sudden and seemingly unexplained departure.

As with everything involved with the human condition, there is no one reason for any trend. But after having witnessed it from the bench and in my own backyard and from reading what I can, I do see one common mistake both men and women are making that seems to rear its head in a number of these unexpected abandonment cases. I mention it here because I think it ends some very salvageable marriages…

For the rest of the article…click here! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lynn-toler/why-so-many-men-never-see_b_815502.html

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